


A (Non-)Monumental Thing

by feelsandbooksandshit



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelsandbooksandshit/pseuds/feelsandbooksandshit
Summary: [The way he pulled Judah closer to him silently reassured him that he wasn't being out-of-line or weird. Like the people on the street, it wasn't monumental to Travis.]
Relationships: Judah Ramsey/Travis Lachlan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	A (Non-)Monumental Thing

**J!!!:** I'm coming over

As he sent the text, Judah felt a small pang of guilt, wondering if he's being weird. Still, he was already exiting the doors of his apartment complex, so he ignored it. 

Luckily, Travis responded within seconds, calming his concern.

 **Trav:** oh yay!! :D

Like most of the time, Travis didn't really question why. Judah huffed, putting his phone and hands in his front pockets. With Grimes playing in his ears, he walked in a steady pace, passing by the strangers on the street. Curious, he people-watched. A little girl holding her father's hand to drag him along, a pair of guys playfully bumping into each others shoulders, a large man with his arms hooked around two people, they all strolled along the street next to him, completely oblivious to his stare.

Feeling invasive and weird, he turned back to the path ahead of him. Despite his situation with Travis, he still wondered how others could show such casual affection, especially in public. There wasn't any hesitance or conflict. They could just reach out and touch each other and _show_ their feelings. To them, it wasn't a monumental thing. To him on the other hand... Judah shook his head minutely and pulled out his phone.

 **J!!!:** I'm picking up food, what do you want?

Another quick response came.

 **Trav:** u kno ;)

Smiling to himself, Judah turned the street corner, heading to the Chinese restaurant near Travis's apartment.

* * *

Carrying a bag of take-out, Judah climbed the stairs before reaching Travis's door. He used his free hand to grab his key-chain, but before he could even find the right key, the door opened.

"Wow, a mysterious and cool stranger has appeared at my door!" With one hand on the door and one on his hip, Travis grinned. Judah couldn't help but smile back.

"The stranger brought a feast," Judah indulged, lifting the bag to show Travis. Feeling awkward, he shook his head. "Let me in, Trav."

Tilting his head in mock confusion, Travis replied, "Oh my goodness, how do you know my name?" When Judah just rolled his eyes fondly, he said, "Sadly, I can't allow mysterious men into my epic crib, stranger danger and all that, however I _will_ take that-" As he spoke, he reached for the bag, which Judah pulled away. He pouted, resting his head against the door-frame and making grabby hands.

"Let me in," Judah huffed. Travis paused for a moment, glancing at the bag. Hesitating, he glanced back at Judah before lunging forward to grab it. 

Despite being caught off guard, Judah just quickly pulled the bag away and rushed to the space in the doorway that Travis had left, successfully getting into the apartment. As Travis groaned behind him, he set the bag on the small kitchen table he'd given him and went to the kitchen to grab drinks. The sound of rustling and styrofoam rubbing against itself coming from behind him was familiar and strangely comforting. When he returned to the table, Travis wasn't there. As much as Judah hoped that _one day_ they might actually use that dinner table, he was used to Travis deciding to just eat on the couch instead. Taking his own food, he walked over, handing Travis his soda.

He smiled at Judah and started talking with his mouth full. Judah deduced Travis probably said, "Thanks J," which he nodded in response to before he started eating his own food.

They sat like that for a while, eating- quietly on Judah's part, loudly on Travis's- and watching whatever show Travis was currently invested in. Even while their hands were occupied, Travis found a way to touch Judah. He probably wasn't even conscious that he was doing it. Moments after Judah had sat down, Travis had adjusted himself, making their knees touch. As time went on, he shifted so more of his leg was touching Judah's, and by the time he finished his food, his legs were practically in Judah's lap. He set his box on the coffee table in front of the couch and officially threw his legs across Judah's thighs.

Judah adjusted his arms so they weren't resting on Travis's shins and continued eating, becoming lost in thought. The weight on his own legs wasn't as foreign as it had once been, back when he and Travis had just started hanging out. He wasn't feeling a need to run away anymore, he wasn't alert or anxious, and he wasn't uncomfortable. Though, that wasn't really true. He still felt all of those things, further in his heart, but at least they didn't scream at him anymore. The confusion had never dissipated though. Much like his casual compliments and words of caring, Travis's subconscious need for physical affection, especially from _him,_ was a complete mystery.

Despite not understanding it, Judah found himself feeling the same way. Maybe he'd always craved touch, maybe that's why seeing people touching each other in public made him feel so hollow, but after actually getting that kind of attention, he noticed it constantly. When he people-watched, or read stories, or watched TV, there was a pang in his heart every time two hands met.

Growing up, Judah's family never touched. Why would they? Sure, he'd seen his parents share secret kisses when they thought they were completely alone, but even that was rare. No hugs and "I love you"s as they sent him off to school. They had other things to do than waste time with hollow affection. That's just the way things were.

But that's _not_ the way things were anymore. As much as he hated being touched during and after high school, Travis was an exception. Travis was always the exception.

"J?"

The voice pulled Judah from his thoughts. He looked over to see Travis watching him, confused. "Yeah?" He replied, setting his mostly-finished box on the table before leaning back.

For a moment, Travis just looked at him, a slight frown on his face. Then, he leaned forward resting his arms on his own knees, using one hand to absentmindedly touch Judah's arm. "Talk to me, Mr. cool guy," He finally said.

"About what?" Judah resisted the hold to reach over and rest his own hand on top of Travis's. That would be weird. 

"Whatever's goin' on in that big brain of yours," He answered. As if reading Judah's thoughts, Travis reached over with his free hand and intertwined their fingers, smiling.

Judah had to take a breath, though it was much more shaky than he would've liked. He hoped Travis wouldn't notice. Judging by the squeeze he felt on his hand, he probably did. So much of him was touching a part of Travis, it felt overwhelming. He was practically sitting in Judah's lap. It took a lot of willpower not to run away. It wasn't that Judah didn't want the affection, it was the opposite. He wanted to hold him and feel how soft and warm he was and just stay that way for years. There was just so many parts to it, he didn't know _how_ to care for someone, he didn't want to be awkward and weird and clingy.

It wasn't the touch that made him anxious, it was the need to restrain himself.

Taking Judah's stiffness as a sign, Travis pulled away, taking his legs off of his lap and his hand out of the hold. The absence made Judah feel hollow. Travis kept his hand on his arm though, trying to catch his eye. When Judah wouldn't look his way, choosing instead to examine the floor as if it had the answers to his fears, Travis sighed quietly and tried to back off, moving to give him space.

Judah caught the hand that was drifting away from his arm.

Tilting his head in confusion, Travis slowed. He was waiting for some kind of response.

"Just..." Judah tried to explain what he was thinking, but there wasn't a way to do that without _being weird._ He hesitated for a moment before sighing and leaning closer to Travis. Before Travis could make any assumptions, Judah rested his head upon his shoulder. He then brought his hands up to gently rest on Travis's lower back.

Understanding, Travis returned the weak hug warmly. The way he pulled Judah closer to him silently reassured him that he wasn't being out-of-line or weird. Like the people on the street, it wasn't monumental to Travis.

Judah slowly realized he was being pulled gently forward. He let himself be guided to a lying position. They were officially cuddling, with Judah resting on Travis's chest, his face tucked into his neck. 

Adjusting himself to be more comfortable, he felt the need to say something. "I'm sorry."

Utter confusion was clear in Travis's voice as he spoke, "For what?"

"...Being a bother, I guess."

"You're not!" His voice was so determined. "I dunno what's going on, but you could never bother me!" As he loudly reassured him, he started to stroke Judah's hair absentmindedly.

"I just feel so weird and awkward all the time," Judah confided, relaxing a bit under Travis's touch.

He could feel Travis shake his head before he spoke, "Eh, it's part of your charm."

"...So I am?"

"Yeah, sure, sometimes, but who cares? I'm gross like, all the time, and you don't seem to mind."

Judah huffed a laugh. "I suppose."

"See?" Travis stroked a line up and down Judah's back. "I love ya, no matter what."

As much as he hoped it wouldn't happen, Judah felt tears prickling in his eyes. "Thanks." If Travis had heard his voice crack on the word, he acted like he didn't. He just held Judah tighter. If he felt the sudden wetness on his collarbone, he pretended like he didn't notice that either.

If he'd heard the almost silent whisper of "I love you too," he hid that too.


End file.
